If talking about the NRL makes you blank out, you’re not alone. The National Rugby League never held much interest for me beyond honing my listening face during my hubby’s blow by blow descriptions of eighty minutes of caveman brutality and poor ref decisions.

Not long into our marriage, I realised that Friday night football was fairly non-negotiable. So, rather than fight the tide, I decided to learn about the sweaty pandemonium of muscles appearing on my television each week.

For the most part, I’ve enjoyed the education. However, there is one rule I struggled with for over five years to truly comprehend: the offside rule. I’m not sure whether it was how my hubby explained it, or my wanting to save precious brain cells for more noble pursuits, but I somehow failed to grasp the complexities of the rule.

It all became clear to me when I realised that there are two forms of the offside rule. For the sake of your own marital harmony, allow me to elaborate.

Defensive Offside

After a tackle, defensive players must quickly move 10m back towards their own end from where the tackle took place. Think of it as getting to the starting line of a running race in a hurry. If they don’t make it back in time before play starts again, any play they make is considered offside.

Offensive Offside

If an offensive player kicks the ball forward, any teammate making first contact with the ball before it is intercepted must have started that play from behind the kicker. Think of it as standing behind your nine-year-old throwing a frisbee towards your two-year-old’s face, and you have to run from behind them to catch up with it. It’s exactly the same thing, just with fewer muscles and more yelling.

Now, Friday nights are a lot more fun in our house, even if I would rather endure a leg wax than an NRL match. It also means that Saturday nights are my pick. If hubby tries to veto, let’s just say there's a whole other offside rule he'll have to learn about.

On the eve of this year’s International Awareness Day for CIND (Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases), I find myself bracing for the onslaught of copy-and-share posts that flood social media, supposedly designed to raise awareness for various Chronic Illnesses (CI). I know I’m not the first person (or the last) to get a little snarky about how unproductive this type of ‘support’ is, but rather than get bogged down in an even lesser productive whinge-fest, I’m going to summons the energy to put on my big-girl pants and suggest we focus our attention elsewhere. Namely, what we can actually do to support those with chronic illness... keep reading

THERE are some pretty funny natural occurrences in our world. Meerkats. Ear lobes. David Hasselhoff. I could make this an extremely long (and clearly dynamic) list.

Regardless of your stance on the evolution/intelligent design subject, it’s difficult to find natural things on this planet that don’t serve a purpose. Spiders (unfortunately) have an undisputed place in the food chain. Bindis are spikey for the sake of survival (and quite possibly for sibling entertainment). Scientists can even justify the existence of mosquitoes, albeit tenuously...keep reading

Published in the Canberra CityNews, February 15, 2017

Click image for article

Around about this time every year, I seem to find myself wandering through the shops with my children and being asked the same questions. What is Valentine’s day for, mum? Why is it such a big deal? Isn’t it all a bit silly? Slow down there, tiger. One question at a time.

As much as it pains me to drag my attention away from my finely-honed power-shopping technique (which usually means missing something on the list), each year I remind myself of the opportunity it gives me to help my children understand the principle of living honourably, and standing up for our convictions in the face of adversity... keep reading

Friday night at our house is traditionally movie night. We whip up some pizzas, flick on the telly and have a bit of quality chillaxation as we wind down from a busy week.

There are so many movies and shows for kids available through streaming services, we’re never short of something to watch. Honestly though, I’ve reached my limit of cute, enormous-eyed, talking animals. While I am a big fan of clever children's movies, the thought of having to watch another poor destitute creature learning how to overcome the odds through complacency and singing makes me want to gouge my eyes out...Keep Reading

Losing a child causes some of the most intense pain possible on the human spectrum of emotion.

I miscarried two of my own treasured children at ten weeks. I also lost my son Stephen who was born near full-term, and died after forty-seven precious hours. Eighteen months later we lost our daughter Esther, who was stillborn at full-term...keep reading

It’s no secret that most of us mums with young kids take every opportunity for timeout that comes along, because frankly there aren’t that many. More often than I'm proud of, I execute my finely honed ‘dump-and-run’ manoeuvre during violin lessons and after-school programs. The sweet call of freshly brewed coffee and twenty whole minutes when the only question I have to answer is “what can I get you?” beckons me, and I give in. - See more at: http://mumswrite.com.au/family-friendly-comedy-laugh-with-your-kids/#sthash.TRDWNBSW.dpuf

A couple of weeks ago my doctor wrote me a referral to a dietitian because, like every other young mother with a chronic pain condition, I need to lose weight. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve given every reasonable diet a red-hot-go, and some of them have even worked. Yet when it comes down to it, it can take me a month to lose a whole kilo (I’m a fat hoarder), and somehow it can take only one week of falling off the wagon a little (or even a lot) to put on twice that much. It’s grossly unfair.

After many years of thinking about why I find healthy eating stickability so hard, I have always come back to the same conclusion; I don’t have the energy. It takes mental and physical effort to plan healthy meals, shop for healthy meals and (you can see where I’m heading with this…) to cook healthy meals. Add to it a chronic pain condition which leaves me fatigued every single day and consistent healthy eating becomes no mean feat, especially during a flare-up of my illness which has me reaching for the local take-out menu or some easy-to-prepare processed rubbish which can undo a month’s worth of hard work in two sittings. Cue the chicken chow mein.

As I was cunningly preparing my defence against the dietitian as to why most things she was going to suggest were literally “impossible” for somebody in my position, I started to think about all of the other women I knew (some sick and many not), and pondering just how often everybody answers that conversation staple “How are you?” with a response that inevitably includes the word “tired.” Everyone is tired all of the time, or so it seems.

Then I got the guilts about complaining to my dietitian and began thinking maybe I just think I’m more tired than other people. Am I whinging about nothing and need to get on with the job? So I decided to take it to the next level in the way that every serious author and solid researcher does; I asked my friends on Facebook what they thought.

Not surprisingly I soon ran into trouble. This had nothing to do with my friends’ willingness to respond (they were willing because they are lovely!) but more to do with the fact that I had not thought through the pitfalls of trying to gauge how tired a person is. How does one measure fatigue? If you ask people to rank on a scale of 1 to 10 how tired they are feeling, they are only going to rank according to what they know. But what if my version of an 8 (which is extremely good for me) is really a non-chronically ill person’s version of a 4? I’ve never experienced what their version of 8 feels like.

How does one measure

fatigue? People will only

rank according to what

they know...

And so we come to the part you really want to hear about – my survey. Rather than ranking energy levels on a scale with no real comparison, I constructed a survey that asked women to (among other things) rank whether or not on an average day they felt they had enough energy to complete certain tasks. The rankings were weighted from 1-5 with varying definitions including I never have enough energy to do this, I sometimes have enough energy to do this, I always have enough energy to do this, and a few in between.

I chose mainly household and personal care tasks as a base because although not every woman necessarily does washing, mows the lawn or shaves their legs (you know who you are), these are mostly tasks that people have done at some point in their lives. So I asked them to imagine whether or not they would have enough energy to complete these tasks on an average day even if it was not something they would necessarily do.

The tasks listed ranged from having a shower, brushing teeth and drying hair through to socialising, mopping floors, cooking meals and interacting with children (where applicable). I also collected a range of other data to cross-reference with these rankings and will attempt to present you with some of the correlations below in as sensible a manner as possible. Those of you who know me will understand just what an effort that is.

Before we begin, I would like to offer sincere thanks to all of the women who gave their precious time and energy in answering this survey. I appreciate your help!

THE PARTICIPANTS

The sample group was made up of 236 women living in Australia with ages ranging from 18-74, with the majority being between the ages of 25-44 years.

GENERAL FITNESS AND SLEEP

In terms of general health and weight, half of the women (53%) described themselves as more than 10kgs above their healthy weight range.

Women more than 10kgs

overweight experienced

feeling 7.2% less

energetic than those

closer to healthy weight limits.

Women who ranked themselves more than 10kgs overweight experienced feeling on average 7.2% less energetic than those who were closer to a healthier weight. However, keep in mind that poor folk like me who suffer a fatigue condition will often put on weight (as many do), which really begs the question, what came first – the egg or the cholesterol?

Around half the women across all variables indicated having between 5-6 hours of good quality sleep per night. Interestingly there was not a strong correlation between women experiencing chronic health conditions and sleep quality, with results evenly distributed across the board of working women, women caring for children, women not caring for children and chronic illness sufferers and the amount of sleep they felt they should be having per night.

HARD WORKING WOMEN

We work hard! Of course, this does not mean to imply that men do not work hard, or even that men do not undertake home duties. However, the drive for women to re-enter (or continue in) the work force irrespective of children at home or chronic illness was demonstrated in the number of hours women indicated they worked in a formal capacity (i.e. over and above home duties) per week.

Roughly half of the women who were working and not caring for children at home assessed their health as “average”. However, working women with health complications and caring for children considered themselves to have poorer health.

ARE MUMS MORE TIRED?

Out of all women surveyed, most were caring for children under the age of 18 at their home for more than two days per week. 22% of these women were looking after children with special needs.

Surprisingly to me, women caring for children with special needs only experienced feeling on average 2.8% less energy than women caring for children without special needs (I thought it would be higher!). However, it is interesting to note that 84% of women caring for children without special needs assessed their households as having similar stress or less stress levels to other households of similar circumstance.

37% of women caring for special needs children assessed their households as having greater stress to other households of similar circumstance.

So, what about mums in general?

The chart below is a sample taken from the 41 tasks participants were asked to assess. It may not come as a shock that mums are in fact exhausted. The average energy ranking for mums/carers across most of the 41 tasks was more similar to women with chronic illness than it was to women who were not caring for children.

ARE CHRONIC ILLNESS SUFFERERS ANY DIFFERENT TO EXHAUSTED MUMS?

As a chronic illness sufferer sometimes it’s hard to know whether or not you’re just as tired as everyone else is. Although the evidence suggests that the energy levels of those with chronic illness are closer to those who are caring with children, there is still a notable difference.

Across the board,women with chronic illness

affecting energy levels experienced feeling8% less energy

to carry out daily household tasks than women who did not indicate having a

diagnosed condition.

Mums and carers with chronic illnessexperienced

an average of15% less energythan mums in good

health and19% less energythan healthy women

who did not have children at home.

For women who suffer from a diagnosed condition affecting energy levels, the weighted answers for household tasks consistently and significantly indicated they felt less energy for completing these tasks than for those women who did not have a diagnosed condition. Out of a total of 41 listed tasks, this difference was most prominent in the more physically demanding tasks such as:

Stacking the dishwasher

Mopping or vacuuming the floor

Putting a load of washing into the machine

Hanging washing on the clothesline

Taking kids to the park or playing physical games

Traveling more than 30 minutes away from home

Spending a full day out of the house

Completing the weekly grocery shopping

Mowing the lawn

Gentle to moderate exercise over and above daily activities

33% of women feel they may have an

undiagnosed condition affecting their energy levels.

A NOTE ON PRIORITIES

While participants were asked to consider only whether or not they had energy to complete the tasks rather than whether or not they would choose to complete them (e.g. because of time), it was reasonable to assume that some may naturally prioritise tasks in a certain order and tasks deemed less crucial may be marked with a lower energy ranking. However, having reviewed the span of data I am fairly confident that the spread is relatively even across most tasks irrespective of significant correlations (which will discuss next), and women across the board generally (high energy or low) aren’t investing much energy into shaving their legs, styling their hair or mowing their lawn (and just to clarify, that last matter refers to the actual grass outside of the house). Don’t worry ladies, it will be our little secret.

SO, HOW MUCH ENERGY DO WE FEEL WE HAVE?

The overwhelming majority of women rated their energy levels as being somewhat less or far less than what they needed to achieve their day-to-day tasks. The most significant group were women diagnosed with a chronic condition where 82% felt they had somewhat less or far less energy to achieve what they needed to on a day-to-day basis.

Two thirds of women feel they have

less than sufficient energy for day-to-day living.

IT’S NOT A COMPETITION

I realise that in presenting the results in the way I have, some may be inclined to think I am pushing the view that women without kids at home have any easy wicket, but take another look at those results. On a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 = never having enough energy to complete these tasks and 5 = always having enough energy to complete these tasks, even the most energetic of us ranges between sometimes and often having enough energy (3-4 on the ranking system). It seems that no one has the energy to do even these most basic of tasks on a daily or regular basis.

We live in a culture pushing more exercise,

more healthy habits and more time

interacting with kids. But how?

Furthermore, two thirds of all women surveyed felt they had less energy than what they needed to get through day-to-day life. In a culture where women are being continually urged to try harder with our exercise, our healthy eating, our appearance and to spend more time interacting with our kids, the question remains; how exactly do we do that? I think it’s high time for us to break up with the guilt that encumbers so many of us with a version of the age old adage – it’s not me, it’s you.

This includes guilt from the most notorious sources; medical practitioners and government guidelines. Clearly most of them don’t comprehend that an alarming number of us don’t even have the energy to brush our teeth some days.

If there is something I would want each of you to take away from this write-up it would be this; be kind to yourself and be empathetic to others. Everyone is failing. If you are a carer of young children, take heart that when your kids are older you may have some more energy in the tank. If you are a chronic illness sufferer, feel free to take these results to your GP as quantifiable proof that you’re not just a chronic whinger.

And whatever you do, leave the lawn mowing to the men.

I spend an awful lot of my waking hours answering questions, and not just because I have a seven-year-old son at home.

As a clean comedian (who also

Often interviewers will at some point ask one of my most hated questions, “So Hannah, do you actually ever swear at all?” Cue the awkwardness. I really, really want to answer this question honestly. I also really want to have the time to explain my answer in a thoughtful, biblical and logical way (which I never get to do). At this point I am acutely aware that as a Christian who uses comedy as a significant ministry within churches and outreach groups, there is only going to be one answer that will please everyone (well, at least on the surface). Unfortunately, that answer is not the honest one.

"The bible has so many instances of vulgarity, offensive language and erotic references ... it would probably be banned from half of all Christian bookstores."

I’m going to tackle this question from a Christian perspective, because let’s face it—it’s the Christians who will be most picky about my response. But for those of you who are not Christians and are interested in what makes clean speech “clean,” you might be amused to learn that the bible has so many instances of vulgarity, offensive language and erotic references that if it wasn’t considered to be God’s word, it would probably be banned from half of all Christian bookstores, possibly more.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what makes a swear word a swear word? What makes a vulgarity vulgar? Is it the word itself or the sentiment that makes it offensive? If you’ve ever really thought about this in great detail, you’ve no doubt come to realise thatswearing and vulgarity are extremely difficult to define, and therefore why every individual will draw the line in a different spot. However, if you are willing to take a step back far enough you may be able to see that offensive language boils down to two major components: cultural context and intent.

"Offensive language boils down to two major components: cultural context and intent."

Many words classified as “swear words” within any given culture stem from taboo topics within that culture, and are often visceral (related to the human body and its functions)*. This is why we have so many swear words pertaining to male and female genitalia. Good to know that potty humour is universal, isn’t it? Vulgarities are often considered vulgar for the same reason; they raise a subject that is not considered socially acceptable to talk about, hence the “shock value” in their use. Bringing a taboo topic out in the open does cause shock and awkwardness. After all, the topic wouldn’t be considered taboo if it didn’t. Now take a moment to think about what makes comedy funny. Would a joke be funny if you could predict exactly what the punch line would be (aka Dad Jokes)? Perhaps occasionally, if it really was clever enough. But the universal thread of effective comedy is the element of surprise (or shock, however subtle) in bringing to light the unspoken thoughts or social nuances that people relate to, for better or worse. It is the elements of shock or taboo—the same elements that tend to make words or sentiments considered offensive or vulgar—that make comedy funny. This is one of the reasons why swearing and vulgarity is such an effective (albeit overused) tool for comedians and comedic writers.

"Vulgarity is such an effective tool in causing people to sit up and pay attention that it was used more than just a few times in the bible."

Incidentally, it is these same two elements that are of tremendous value when teaching an important lesson. Vulgarity is such an effective tool in causing people to sit up and pay attention that it was used more than just a few times in the bible. In Philippians 3:7-8, Paul used the word skubala to describe his Jewish heritage. According to an excellent paper written by Dr Daniel Wallace, the Hellenistic Greek term in this context seems to stand somewhere between “crap” and “s**t.” Paul wanted to make a point, and so he did. He used a word that I have never once heard uttered from the pulpit. Isaiah 64:6 is another wonderful example. The ESV translation interprets Isaiah speaking under prophetic inspiration saying, “…all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.” Yet according to Dave Miller’s examination of various Hebrew lexicons, Isaiah is describing a rag stained by a woman’s period. Delightful. So what is it about these passages which makes the use of a swear word or vulgarity acceptable? I think the answer lies in intent. The writers wanted to make a point for the genuine edification of the reader/listener, and chose to use these extremely effective tools to do so. It was not designed to cause offence for mere offence’s sake (something which could not be said for many comedians on the circuit) but it was there to illuminate and to educate.

Clearly, I am not trying to make a case to excuse all swearing and vulgarity, or even most of it. A lot of what we hear is indeed utter filth, owing to its intent. But it frustrates and saddens me that somehow in our western brand of Christianity we have equated all swearing and vulgarity with being filthiness and foolish talk (Ephesians 5:4) or obscene talk (Colossians 3:8). I believe both of these passages when read in context refer either to sexually immoral vulgarity, or to harsh, unloving words that tear down instead of building up (expressed excellently in Dave Miller’s article). By this definition, not all swearing and vulgarity is excluded. If it were not the case, Paul, Isaiah, David, Solomon and quite a few others will have a lot to answer for.

"...Somehow in our western brand of Christianity we have equated all swearing and vulgarity with being filthiness and foolish talk ... if [that was] the case, Paul, Isaiah, David, Solomon and quite a few others will have a lot to answer for."

Now I’m not going to go as far as to suggest that if any man cannot agree with me and see the freedom afforded to us in this matter as Christians, they should just go ahead and cut their own balls off (Galations 5:12). If I did, there would be a social media outcry, the demand for an apology, and most likely a retracted invitation for every outreach event in my diary. But herein lies the struggle for me as I pour my blood, sweat and tears into trying to write genuinely funny material. My intent in writing my material is never to offend. Rather, it is to illuminate, to educate and mostly, to elicit a laugh from my fellow man. But because of our Christianese culture which has once again thrown the baby out with the bathwater, I have to give up some of the greatest comedic tools at my disposal so as not to cause offence.

And I’m cool with that, mostly. It forces me to be better at my craft and to think outside of the box. And from a biblical perspective it follows Paul’s instructions regarding our weaker brothers and sisters (1 Corinthians 8), that although we may have freedom to exercise, we should not exercise it in front of those for whom it may become a stumbling block. Oh, how my heart hurts at the thought of being a stumbling block for my fellow brothers and sisters of faith, or those who would come to faith. It is why I keep as far away as possible from vulgarity and swearing at church events or in the company of those who may take offence, although admittedly I have made some mistakes. What my heart yearns for most however, is for those in the faith to not be so easily offended, and if offence has occurred, ask the deeper question—why is it this has offended me? If only we would look and really see the character of God revealed to us in the bible and in the person of Jesus without the prejudice of what the “church” regards as appropriate, I think we would be stunned to find many joys we would otherwise deem improper. It will be on that day, when all of Christendom is united in a full understanding of our freedoms in Christ, I will finally be able to answer that interview question the way I am dying to now, “Hell, yes!”

A note on profanity

For the purposes of this article, I have not included reference to profanity, which is taking that which is holy and making it unholy—profaning the holy**, (eg. “God damn” or “O my God”), and as such is clearly forbidden in the Bible (Exodus 20:7).

* http://people.howstuffworks.com/swearing.htm

** http://sbcvoices.com/paul-profanity-and-precision/

Body image has been on my mind a lot these past few weeks. Okay, if I’m honest, it has been on my mind my entire life, but these past few weeks I have been thinking especially about a few people I know or know of who are battling with serious illness such as anorexia and bulimia. These women have been literally fighting for their lives. I am not an expert on these conditions and do not pretend to have an in-depth knowledge on the subject, although having battled with illness such as anxiety and depression myself I can attest to the body and mind’s ability to effectually take a person hostage to themselves.

While I am not postulating that conditions such as these are solely a result of unrealistic body images being thrust in our faces at every turn, it has got me thinking about my own body image and the tendency that most of us have, male or female, to measure ourselves against some sort of standard of beauty. Even those rare individuals who genuinely have little time or care for anyone else's opinion about their body image will still experience times of unsettling imperfection and the desire to change certain things.

For me this has been the story of most of my life. Ever since I was eight years old I have struggled with my weight. In late primary school I was regularly getting picked on for being heavy. Then there were the dreaded high-school years. Kids can be so cruel. My weight and size was always on my mind. I literally mean always. Every time I walked into a room I was overwhelmed by the thought that I was the fattest person in the room. Quite frankly, I was! The irony of this obsession is that now I look back on many of my high-school photos and can’t believe I obsessed about it so much. I would give my right arm to be that size again.

Yet I can remember a day that very clearly changed my views about the human body, and women in particular. When I was in year eleven, a life drawing class had been offered as an extracurricular activity for senior arts students. We had quite a mature little group doing art subjects as part of our VCE, and I was keen to try something new. So, with signed permission slip in hand I entered my first life drawing class, and nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to experience.

Up until that point in my teenage life I had never been in a room with another naked woman. Yes I had been in awkward change room situations with the girls after gym class, or at the swimming pool, but in those instances you are doing absolutely everything possible not to look at anyone else. But this situation was different. You were supposed to look. You were supposed to take it all in.

A small group of six or seven of us who had signed up for the class were standing at our easels, windows blocked out with newspaper so that curious fifteen-year-old boys could not have their curiosity satisfied. I remember nervously shifting my charcoal from one side of the easel to another having no idea how I was going to cope with seeing a real, live, naked person in front of me.

I remember a young lady coming out into the centre of the easels and without hesitation dropped her gown to the floor. She immediately struck a pose and we were off, sketching our little hearts out in an exercise to complete a new sketch every minute as she changed pose.

As the initial shock of having a fully naked stranger in front of my eyes wore off, I remember being deeply impacted by what I saw. I estimated she was in her early twenties and probably the best part of a foot shorter than I was, even at that age. She had long, dark brown hair, and she was curvy. She was so far removed from what the teenage cultural standard of beauty was at the time (or still is for that matter), but I just stared at her and remember thinking to myself so clearly that she was absolutely beautiful. She had a big bum, uneven breasts and large thighs. She even had cellulite and it didn’t matter one bit!

The moment I laid eyes on this woman was such a turning point in my life. For the first time I realised that other people had bodies like me under their clothes. I was not the only one with wobbly and dimply bits. I would never have thought twice about this woman if I had seen her fully clothed. I would have just assumed she was a nicely rounded woman who probably looked smooth, toned and pretty-much Photoshopped under her clothes. What a wake-up call to realise that it wasn’t the case.

I would love to be able to tell you that since that day I have never struggled with my own body image, but that would be quite a stretch. Yet what it did do for me is made me realise that what we are presented with all the time in the media, in the movies, on Facebook – it is all a lie. Even being able to disguise certain bodily features with clothes is to some extent faking it. Believe me, I’m all for dressing modestly and in a flattering way, and I don't think faking it in this way is necessarily a bad thing.

There are many points and conclusions I could draw from this reminiscence. I could take the approach of the super-aware mum who needs to think carefully about what sort of messages I am sending to my seven year old daughter. And I do need to think about this. I could also turn this into another examination of the impossible standard of beauty pushed onto us by the media and various industries, but that’s nothing new.

Yet as I sit here and contemplate my thoughts on this subject, I suppose there is one big point I would like to make. We live in such an overtly sexualised culture where soft porn is regularly used in advertising, children as young as early primary school age are encouraged to explore their own sexual identity, and a raft of other travesties that have the tendency to sexualise everything to do with our naked bodies, and we have stopped marvelling at just how amazing and truly beautiful the human body is.

The epidemic of pornography and unrealistic representations of the human body has done so much damage, even to those of us who attempt to pay them no heed. For those who find these things deeply inappropriate and damaging, it can feel like any representation of the naked human body as being dirty or inappropriate.

Is there any acceptable or appropriate place for nudity that is not dishonouring to ourselves? I believe there is. Life drawing changed my life. It was not dirty or sexual in any way. What it did was give me the chance to actually look at another human body and realise that I was not abnormal, and that it was possible for someone in my future to look at me and think I was beautiful, even with all of my flaws. As a Christian and as a girl who had grown up in a household that had never made me feel badly about my body image, it shouldn’t have been necessary for me to have this experience, but it was.

And I believe that is something worth thinking about.

**Artwork by Olivier Duhamel**

Here is a blog for all of my fellow Syndrome and Disorder sufferers out there. Stay strong.

After years of suffering from endless lists of symptoms and diagnosis after diagnosis, not to mention the prescription of supplements, exercise and eating plans to cure each one, I think I’ve finally figured out what is wrong with me. I have Irritable Fibropyrroleanximyalgicencephalession Syndrome.

Cause of IFS:

Living

Signs and Symptoms of IFS:

Loss of appetite

Increase of appetite

Excess weight

Excessive weight loss

Migraines and Headaches

Mood swings

Anxiety

Depression

Feeling cold

Hot flushes

Poor memory

Greying of hair

Muscle and joint pain

Tremors and muscle twitching

Insomnia

Hypersensitivity

Severe inner tension

Low libido

Inability to think clearly

Foods to avoid:

Red meat

White meat

Fish

Tofu

White Flour

Wholemeal Flour

Wholegrain Bread

Buckwheat

Rice Flour

Potato Flour

Tapioca Flour

Bean Flour

Almond meal

White Rice

Brown Rice

Black Rice

Quinoa

Legumes

Nuts

Seeds

Dairy products

Soy Milk

Goat’s Milk

Rice Milk

Anything else ending in “Milk”

Green vegetables

Potatoes

Carrots

Tomatoes

Lettuce

Apples

Berries

Bananas

Citrus fruits

Grapes

Any fruits grown in the northern hemisphere

Tea

Coffee

Herbal Teas

Bonox

Java

Teecino

Refined Sugars

Unrefined Sugars

Artificial Sweeteners

Natural Sweeteners

Tolerated Foods:

Water, Honey

Other treatments:

Daily exercise – at least 3 hours of aerobic activity per day

Yoga

Crocheting

Prognosis:

The prognosis for IFS sufferers is fair. If you follow the suggested eating plan and treatment in this article, you can expect to see some improvement within 15-20 years, however results vary from patient to patient. Full recovery is not expected until the initial cause of IFS has been addressed.